Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Dating Horror Stories: Vol. 1

Us females have all been there, endured some situation of awkwardness/assholeness/inconsideration in terms of dating or trying to get to know the opposite sex. I recently endured the horror of all horrors and I’d like to use this as an advisory warning to all the lovely broads out there: beware of trying to talk to/date a guy that lives in a different city.

I met TT through a mutual friend while visiting Vegas in 2009 and had immediately thought well of how he carried himself and his sexy voice, while observing that he had mad hat steez. We hadn’t communicated much after meeting besides being requisite Facebook friends, but we began getting to know each other more starting last November. He had his own house, a solid job, 2 degrees,  knew his way around a conversation, was incredibly endearing, had some baggage (in the form of a beautiful daughter from a previous relationship, but a beautiful child is no baggage). . . he was at least worth investigating on a weekend jaunt.

 Fast forward to this May, after many intimate conversations and getting to know each other, I hopped on a plane and took the 50minute flight from Phoenix to Vegas (No, I am not rich and can just drop money to plane tickets; I have free flight benefits through my old man). Was supposed to be a chill weekend, lounging, talking, vibing…

Tell me why 3 hours into my trip I am attacked by his ex-girlfriend and her friend. Reaction, WHAT? No no, it gets even better, while this was no regular physical assault (are they ever?) these broads rolled in with mace and a taser gun. Yes, take a minute to cringe, I was maced and tased. I.E. they are grown women and on some hoodrat shit.

Let me paint the picture, sitting in TT’s living room, with him, his girl cousin, her husband, and their baby, kicking back, all of a sudden hearing the loud exclamation of “WHO THE FUCK IS THIS HOE.” Ha, a cute looking female is always a hoe when another female creates a situation without knowing the full picture. I look up and see 2 females rushing into the living room (Fuck me and that garage door TT left open). Before I knew it, she had me and my Pocahontas locks in her hands, TT pushes her out the way and gets on top of me to shield me. She’s hitting him, she’s hitting me, screaming “MY HOUSE…IN MY HOUSE.” Let me re-mention the ex girl had a home girl with her, who busted out the taser gun, zapping my squirming, kicking legs because my lower half was still exposed and not covered by him either. Sneaker kicks to the shins and feet… this was the longest 15 minutes of my life. He wasn’t getting up off me, pleading with her to leave, she wasn’t letting go of my hair, then the home girl busts out with the mace and sprays him and I with it and they yell their way out the front door.

I lay up on the couch for a minute, eyes burning, mentally scrambling to process what the hell just happened. Her house? I thought they were exes? Since when is this shit okay? What the fuck kind of people are these? My peoples back home are nothing like this… Clearly there was more to what TT was ‘supposedly’ feeding me.

“My cousin and her husband are gonna come back and snatch you up… I need to go handle this. You gonna be okay?”

Homie, I got mace in my eyes, my skin is burning, I took hella Jordan kicks to the legs, I look like hell, and you definitely left some things out of that history with Hoodrat-Ex-Bangs-A Lot; give me a minute, would you?

The cousin and her husband scooped me up, I was well taken care by them for the next 24 hours, God bless them. In fact, they were the only remaining good thing about that whirlwind trip, not even TT salvaged any of it. Lowdown: TT and said ex had only been broken up 2 months, with a bounce back pattern even after, they had lived together, had been in physical altercations themselves (Oh cool, I was visiting a woman beater.), and essentially didn’t even really want me to come, but lied to me and let me come anyways to boost his floundering self-esteem. Naw naw, I know, you handled it by running to the ex and crying and apologizing that I was there.

Talk about humiliation and anger swirling. I’m a better judge of character than this, I’ve NEVER had the wool pulled over my ojos so smooth. His cousin comments, “I’m sorry Rio, I’m disgusted to say he’s my family. I thought maybe you had known more about all of this, all of him, and still decided to give him the chance…Guess you didn’t know enough.”

Lesson: Be very cautious of talking to male/female in another city. I had experience in this beforehand, but you never know what goes on since you’re not there. You can and are expendable since you do not live where they do.

Or I just caught some real bad luck, chalk it up to a life lesson, and say fuck a fool for abusing months of my benefit of the doubt. To his ex, Girl, you may have him, gladly. If you’re willing to beat the shit out of another girl for showing clear interest in him/for him, you clearly still love him. I pity you, feel bad for the craziness he’s so obviously created between you two and vice versa, and hope one day you don’t end up in the hospital. You didn’t have to mace me/tase me/fuck me up, had I known everything, I coulda respected the situation at the end of the day and not even bothered.

Forgive me and my tangent, my bruises are still healing and I will have scars now. Luckily, summertime is remedying everything and I can laugh at the craziness. Mace and a taser gun, REALLY?!