Sunday, January 17, 2010

confessional moment

Confessional moment-

Each day is a great day, because I'll think and ponder on more things than yesterday, and new realizations and 'aha' moments come through. So here's today's.

I will admit I am completely and have thoroughly had an erratic attitude to my approach when it comes to guys. It didn't always used to be like this, really, it didn't.
      However, there would be moments, guys, or 'situations' as I like to call them (Heard T.I. use that in an interview with Chelsea Handler, loved it.) that seemed real solid. They were gonna go somewhere, I could feel it, and moreover, their actions showed it.
       But then my situations would cut themselves short, they would show all-over-the-map behavior, and I just didn't know what the fuck it meant.

This has been an ongoing pattern for a real long time now, longer than I'd like to admit. While it's easy to want to blame my outlook on the attitudes that were directed at me, can't do that. I've allowed myself that moment to do that. I need to get out of this, but I just don't know how to break the pattern.

At least tonight I'm going to show consistency, everything is going to match up. Words, actions, meanings. Day at a time right?

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